Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A bed that's warm with memories, can heal us temporarily.

Broken Heart

A year and a half of secrets and lies really does a number on a person. It's not even that I kept an entire relationship a secret for that long period of time; it's that I lied to myself for that long.

I kept telling myself that as long as I controlled the damage, I would be okay. That I would come out of it and be completely and totally untouched.

In retrospect, our non-relationship was on my terms, start to finish. I made all of the bad decisions, I chose to keep going back there, I knew full well the consequences and what I didn't mean to him. So I honestly can't ever say I hate him, or blame him. He was completely fair and honest. He didn't lead me on, and he let me make my own decisions. Although conversely, I could hate him for not making the decision to say no to me every time I made those choices, but how could he possibly say no? He's a hot blooded male. I get it.

There's really no such thing as preemptive emotional damage control.

Good to know.
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