Thursday, December 13, 2007

Soulmate isn't even a word in the English dictionary.

My soul will know when it meets it's mate.

You can't look for love. It just comes to you.
Doesn't it?
Love never goes anywhere. It stays in the same place.

It just depends on when you find it.

I think.

I want to believe in soulmates... but if the word doesn't even exist in the dictionary, then how do I know that it's real?

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Happy Anniversary.

Twenty one years of life...

It's funny.
When we're young, all we knew is the grass and the sky; the crayons and paper; the milk and the cookies.

But that was enough.
A lifetime worth of knowledge--enjoying simple pleasures, and being simple people.

I keep feeling like I knew so much more at 10 then I do at 21.

I'm 21 and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, who I am, who I want to become and where I'm going to be. The anxiety is about to give me cardiac arrest at 21.

The older I get, the more things I seem to forget.
The older I get, the more lost I feel.

I feel like I've only started to find myself a year ago, and I just feel that I'm not exactly sure when I'm going to stop finding myself.
That's the terrifying part.
I don't even know where to start looking, or when to stop looking.
And what if I look so hard, that I miss it?

I want life to be simple again.
Grass stains and mud tracks.
Addition and subtraction.
Cooties and tag.

It was truly, so much simpler when boys had cooties.

12/08 is such a ridiculously important date to me.
Yet, today it just passed by... like any other day.
8 years ago, I met the boy that matched my soul, and for the first time in about six years I didn't spend today being melancholy or sad, and crying myself into dehydration and exhaustion.

Growth is good.
Maybe, just maybe that part of me is finally growing up.
I was 13 when I met him.
I'm 21 now.
It's about time isn't it?

My heart strings still pull when I think of him.
And I think of him everyday.
There hasn't been a day in the eight years of our history that he hasn't crossed my mind.
But I don't cry anymore.

I can't cry over our past, and I certainly can't cry about a present that is devoid of him, and it would definitely be a waste of time if I cried over a future without him.

It's not that I don't have any more tears left to cry...
It's just that I don't have any more time to waste.

I have so many other things to do and see, and eat and read and write about.
If he's really my soulmate then it will happen.
All on it's own.
Souls have a way of calling out to each other when they need their counterpart the most.

I believe that when we most need each other, our souls will know.
Isn't that what a soulmate is?
Fate, destiny, and sometimes serendipity?
I believe that souls can recognize each other.
Romantic or platonic-- souls that are destined to meet... will.

I love him.
I always will.
So here's to us baby--

Cheers, to eight years of love, hate, sadness, joy and life.
Happy Anniversary.