Sunday, November 4, 2007

I blame it on an excess of hormones.

He's probably one of the only people I know that can actually rub me the wrong way and make me aggravated and incredibly irritated. He's also one of the only people that can yell at me and reduce me to a sniveling mess.

He makes fun of me at least five times within the hour (within five minutes on a bad day), and he can make me feel ridiculously unintelligent. He's stubborn and when he thinks he's right, I can't even get my point across because he'll just shoot me down and make me feel like an idiot.

He sounds like a pompous, arrogant prick, no?
Yet, here I am.

I can list the hundred and one reasons why he drives me insane, and why I have every right to hate his guts.

Except I don't.
And THAT is what's driving me crazy.

He made fun of me nonstop tonight, and with one, full contact, 10 second hug, everything he said earlier was negated.
I sound so ridiculous because this is C. I'm talking about.
The boy who made my life a living hell for a number of reasons at different stages of my life.

I am not allowed to fall in love with someone who will ONLY drive me up the wall.
And yet, I can't seem to stop myself.

But here's the thing--

I'm going to.
Stop myself, that is.

The last thing I need... and want, is someone who'll consume me.
And I know that being with him will be like that.

It'll be passionate and over the top, frustrating and exciting, wonderful and scary.
And I can't have that if I want to survive the next eight years of my life.

I have eight years to make myself into something.
I can't waste anymore time on love.
I can find love in eight years.

So even if C. is meant to be the next great love of my life, I believe that he'll be around in eight years.