I've realized lately that I'm really afraid of being empty-headed.
Sometimes I find myself listening to the things I say, and watching myself interact with the people around me, and I can't believe that I've become so vacuous.
Granted, I know there are people that are ridiculously dumb, and lack any ounce of common sense... but I keep getting the feeling that I'm wasting my own potential.
And what's sadder then that?
I'm really tired of listening to certain people talk about one thing over, and over, and over again.
HAVEN'T YOU HAD ENOUGH?!
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'VE TALKED THIS ISSUE TO DEATH?
IF YOU TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME WITH ME, I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HOW MUCH YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
Rant, rant, rant!
But come onnnnnnnn. How many times must we have the same conversation? I feel like every single time I have to go through the motions of listening to the same shit my IQ gets lower and lower.
Lately, I feel like the more I learn, the less I know. Which I know is supposed to be the right way to think, but when I realize stuff like that, it makes me wonder why other people don't think that way either?
How do you settle for being stupid?
I mean, if you don't know what you're talking about... don't speak, because you'll just look like a twat, but shouldn't that fact alone inspire you to look it up? To learn what you don't know? To educate yourself, so that next time you can be like "HA. TAKE THAT BITCHES!"???
I mean. That's what I would do.
I don't know if it's because all my life the only thing I've ever heard is "I heard you're really smart" or, "Oh! You're the smart one!" or, "At least you're smart" (and you can blame that on all of my parents' Korean friends... when you're young, you're one of two things; you're either "cute/pretty/handsome" or you're "smart". I was ALWAYS the latter.)-- but I hate looking like I'm dumb. It's probably one of my biggest flaws: the inability to admit that I'm wrong. And admitting that I don't know something and that someone knows more about something that I do.
Eww, pride is so ugly.
However, what I DO believe in, is sticking to your strengths.
I mean I'm interested in a number of things and I guess I'm good at a lot of those things.
But I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm good at everything.
I DESPISE MATH. AND NUMBERS. AND ANYTHING TO DO WITH NUMBERS.
If the world depended on me to do a complicated word problem to save humanity... well, humanity is pretty much screwed.
But I'm really, really good at English.
Words are my first love, and my true love.
I come back to my love when I'm depressed and when I'm lost, and when I'm indescribably happy. Words have always been my security blanket.
My favorite book, my dogeared journals, my online blog.
Eesh. I don't know how I got here, but I think what I wanted to say is that I really don't want to be superficial and vacuous anymore.
So sit down with me, buy me a non-fat honey latte (my new Starbucks discovery) and talk to me about ANYTHING. Watch a play, a musical, a movie, a classic DVD with me, and let's discuss the talent of the actors, the scriptwriters, the meaning, the symbolism. Let's find new and exciting places to eat, take me to a bakery you think is awesome, tell me you want me to make you a certain dish.